THE FULL MOON

All I know is that I was fully happy in the Sri Chinmoy Center. My inner life was a flood; steady and powerful and my outer life was dynamic, creative and alive. I was happy. I first moved up to the prestigious San Francisco Center from a satellite center of San Jose. In its heyday S.F.Center had 5 or 8 divine enterprises and a large core of accomplished go getter types men and woman, The Marathon team was making money with its races, and the center disciple count was up around 100 people. The jewels in the crown were the wood shop and Dipti Nivas Restaurant on Church St. run by the Santanas. With its dynamic work force, successful businesses and money it was starting to supersede New York Center I was told. When the Santanas left and the Center leader ran off with a younger woman leaving his wife, the whole house of cards came down. I was shocked to find it like a ghost town. It was just a shell of its former self. The center was mostly female owned and operated. The few men that were left in the Center were henpecked hermits. I figured that the soul of the SF Center was still powerful and Dynamic and so it probably wanted to be again. Also I was 19 and on Friday night I didn't want to sit and read anecdotes I needed a few buddies to go see movies with. So from then on I was a headhunter, recruiting the best kids from centers all over to SF Center.
A few short years the SF Center was thriving again. it was a true renaissance. the singing groups were the best in the Center. the marathon team had 10 races a year and was doing well. Ananda Fuara Restaurant that had its humble beginnings out in the endless fog bank of the outer sunset district had just moved downtown to 9th & Market St. The disciple count was way up again, all was right with the world and the possibilities seemed endless.
Personally I was giving 5 classes a week which meant postering for those 5 classes 2 of which were in Santa Cruz a small coastal town 100 miles south of the city. My sister Nirbachita and I were determined to see Santa Cruz fly. We already had a small apartment and a few disciples. I was on my game, I was in great physical shape dynamic creative and inspired.
It was during this period at an August Celebration in New York City that I got a message from Sri Chinmoy via the usual delivery boy. The message was some thing to the effect that I wasn't doing anything in the center and that I was displeasing him. The experience that followed was very interesting. I watched this message( which was more like pure Intent wrapped in words) float into my ear and go off like an atom bomb. It psychically and integrally dismantled me like a tactical explosive. I knew the opposite of the message was true and as it had such a powerful effect on me I was interested in the intelligence behind the move. I got angry and felt unfairly punished. The Celebration was a high and It was like getting an engine shot out in a plane and going down in a spectacular fireball. It was artful. I didn't understand at the time I was just broken and confused. I was like a flat tire with all inspiration bled out of me. This is what I would call the beginning. Or more precisely the fireball that would eventually result in the Phoenix. And it was deliberately set in motion.
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